Thursday, August 9, 2012

WHY DO ADULT CHILDREN MALIGN THEIR CHRISTIAN PARENTS?

As I watch many Christians rejoice at the allegations of the disgruntled daughter of a famous man of  God I find myself forced to reply to the question of hundreds who have questioned me as to why she would say such things.  Why would an adult child viciously turn on her parents?

Could the parent really be guilty?  Well, we do not not have to go far into Scripture to find answers. In fact we see the story of two sons who turned on their parents as told by the Saviour.  One son fell into sin and the other fell into open rebellion.  One came back and the other apparently did not.

The younger son left home and went out to the far country.  There he disgraced his family.  He obviously did so for a number of reasons.  

One reason was greed.  He said, "Give me..." Most rebellious adult children are greedy.  They want what they think they deserve.  To survive he had to sell himself to the citizens of the far country...to people who would support him in order to accomplish their agenda.   Selfishness and greed is absolutely the biggest reason adult children behave in such despicable ways.

Another thing we see in the prodigal is the fact that he had not come to himself so he could not recognize the goodness of the father.  It is a sad thing to see the child of a good parent fall so deeply into sin that they decide to make themselves a victim when in truth they were part of a rich heritage.  They have to blame someone for their bitterness and their misery so thy blame the parent or parents rather than looking in the mirror at themselves.

The prodigal was gone so long that he could not even feed himself so he was forced to sell himself to those who cared nothing about him.  They had their agenda and they degrade him by sending him to feed their swine.  

Imagine, a Jewish child now feeding unclean pigs.  It is almost as hard to imagine as the daughter of a man of God feeding the swine of this wicked world with lies in order to eat.  It is almost too pathetic to watch her abandon her entire family just to satisfy the gaul of bitterness within.  It is so tragic, but it is what rebellious adult children do.

Wait...let's look at the second son.  What was his problem?  Well, first of all he was bitter towards his brother so he questioned his dad's integrity.  He was indignant that his father would seemingly cover up the younger son's sin and filth with a robe of righteousness.  He wanted to expose his father to do the same thing.  Imagine the video that would have made?  Maybe it would have gone something like this?

"My Father has not been fair to me.  All these years I served him.  He was a taskmaster yet I was such a good and obedient son.  I was under such oppression, yet I did everything he told me to do.  He produced a son who went to the far country and with my Father's money supported his wicked lifestyle.  Then, when he came home he covered it up and even welcomed him back with a celebration.

Imagine the audacity of it for he actually welcomed home my sinful brother and treated him with love, mercy, and grace. Did he ever give me a celebration with my heathen friends?  Not on your life.  He gave it to my wicked brother and left me with nothing.  I finally found the courage and discovered the freedom within myself.  I don't need my father.  My prodigal brother came groveling back to him and 'repented.'  Not me!   I am going to expose the phoniness of my Father so all can know the truth of how I was treated."

Yes, I think it might have gone something like that.  The Bible says he was angry and defiant and argued with his own father.  He even accused him of doing the wrong thing.

Here is the question?  Was the father to be blamed for the sin of the younger son or the rebellion of the older one?  It seems to me that the one made to be the villain by the sons was in fact the one doing right and both the sons were the real villains.  Bitterness is an amazing force in causing children to rebel especially adult children.  Can we not see the fact that these rebels are filled with bitterness?  How could we even think it was the father's fault alone?

By the way, this "horrible" father apparently represents our Heavenly Father.  So, if we have children of God rebelling and saying all manner of evil against Him, should it surprise us when it happens in the lives of godly parents?  

It happens!  It happened to Noah.  It happened to Abraham.  It happened to David.  Over and over again we see Biblical examples of hateful and wicked adult children rebelling against godly parents.  Is it a tragedy? Yes!  Can I see how it happens? Oh, yes!  Is it "proof" of the wrongs of the father?  Do not be ridiculous and childish.  It is the sign of the rebellion of the child.  The fact that we are ALL sinners and come short of the glory of God does not allow adult children to throw stones.

I know a man whose father did a horrible thing.  The son is a good young man.  He is shamed and embarrassed by the things his dad did.  He lost out on so much because of the sins of his father.  Let me tell you how this godly young man handles it.

First, he still honors his father as he is commanded to do in the Scriptures.  A sign of the wickedness of the daughter in question whose video has dishonored her parents.  God makes no provisions for exceptions to this command.  

No adult child is to "obey," but they are commanded to "honor."  The word "honor" simply means to place emphasis on the good not the bad.  A life can be shortened according to Scriptures not from "disobeying" but from NOT HONORING. (Exodus 20:12)

Secondly, he does his best to deal with his pain  without bitterness.  He hurts, but he carries his pain like a Christian.  Bitterness is a sign of your own sins and not the one towards whom you are bitter. 

Third, he is closer to God as a result of his hurt.  It drives him to his Father and not away from his Father.   A true Christian takes bad situations and allows them to draw them nearer to God.

Finally, he refuses to bad mouth his dad in any way.  There is too much good there to allow the bad to overwhelm the good.  How do we overcome "evil" anyway according to Scriptures.  We overcome "evil" by the doing of "good."  (Romans 12:21) He does his best to find all the good his father did.  He speaks of the good times and the positive influences.

Yes, ALL parents do fail and some fail miserably, but that does not change the proper way the children, especially adult children, should behave.  This young man's father failed, but he did not use it as an excuse to rebel.

Judge the rebellious adult child for their own actions and not what they spew out of bitterness about their parents. Do not allow bitter adult children put the blame on anyone but the themselves.  They who do blame their parents ought to be wise enough to recognize it is a sign of their sinfulness and their rebellion and not the failure of the parents who were far from perfect.  

And, if you are going to blame the father for the sins of his children then you had better blame God for the sins of his children too, if you are to be consistent!   GOTTA LOVE THE PRESERVED INSPIRATION OF THE KING JAMES BIBLE!  


  
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